This poem was originally published in The Rutgers Review 10/25/2013
This poem is a curated compilation of snippets of dialogue from the film "Mean Girls.' Read it on the RR's site!
It’s Cady’s big day
And on the third day, God created the Remington Bolt-action rifle so that man could fight the
dinosaurs and the homosexuals
But my family’s totally normal
Talk to me again and I’ll kick your ass
He farts a lot
How was your summer? I got divorced.
If you need anything or if you want to talk to somebody… thanks, maybe some other time when my shirt isn’t see through
The first day of school was a blur, a stressful, surreal blur
Did you see nipple? It only counts if you a saw nipple. That’s true dude.
He’s almost too gay to function
This girl is deep
Don’t have sex.
Because you will get pregnant and die
Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up
Just don’t do it, promise?
OK. Everybody take some rubbers.
Oh you’ll get socialized all right. A little slice like you. Own it
That’s why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets
One time, she punched me in the face. It was awesome.
Do you want to have sex with him? No, thank you.
I didn’t say anything
You think you’re really pretty.
On Wednesdays we wear pink.
Ashton Kutcher. Is that a band?
Having lunch with the Plastics was like leaving the actual world and entering “Girl World”
And Girl World has a lot of rules
I can’t go to Taco Bell, I’m on an all-carb diet.
Whatever. I’m getting cheese fries
Ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean, that’s just, like, the rules of feminism.
It’s like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell me when it’s gonna rain.
Make sure you check her mom’s boob job. They’re hard as rocks
We can get twice as much funding if we’ve got a girl
That is social suicide
That was so fetch.
She’s like a Martian
I used to think there was just fat and skinny. Apparently, there’s a lot of things that can be wrong on your body… I have really bad breath in the morning
Sometimes older people make jokes
My nana takes her wig off when she’s drunk
I know your secret.
Wrong. He was so wrong.
In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut
Unfortunately, no one told me about the slut rule.
She was such a good… SLUT!
You’re so hot.
Now, how do you overthrow a dictator? You cut off her resources.
We should totally just stab Caesar
OK, let’s rock this bitch.
In Girl World, all the fighting had to be sneaky.
Boo. You whore.
One for you. And none for Gretchen Weiner. Bye.
Everyone in Africa can read Swedish
I mean, I couldn’t have a lesbian at my party. And now I guess she’s on crack.
Who would write that?
Mom, can you pick me up? I’m scared
The girls have gone wild
I ought to cancel your spring fling
Now, what we’re going to do is fix the way you young ladies relate to each other
Who has a lady problem that they’d like to talk about?
I can’t help it if I’ve got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina
There’s been some girl-on-girl crime here
You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores.
I don’t hate you because you’re fat. You’re fat because I hate you.
I just wish we could all get along… I wish I could bake a cake made out of rainbow and smiles.
I just have a lot of feelings
I guess it’s probably because I’ve got a big lesbian crush on you. Suck on that!